Hey my loves!! Today I want to talk to you about the worst year of my life (2014) I’m not telling you this story for you to feel bad for me. The reason why I’m sharing this story with you is because I want you to know that YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
Whatever you’re feeling right now is completely normal, but I want you to be better than me. I want you to SPEAK UP. Remember you have people who loves you for who you are. There are people who’ll understand you. I know it’s not easy to open up about suicide because I went to it myself. Please don’t be afraid to talk. NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-8255
Here’s my story:
I remember the first time I wanted to kill myself was back in 2006 when I was only 10 years old. I was in a very dark place in my life, I felt like I wasn’t useful, because every day I would hear the same things over and over. (you’re useless, you’re nothing, why are you even alive for? you’re the worse kid in the world, I never met anyone as bad as you.) I use to listen to the song only believe all things are possible everyday to help me. It was 2014 I decided that I had enough of the mental and physical abuse, So I prayed and ask God to help me, I told him that I don’t want to live in this world anymore if he can only come to help. I took the pills and drank them, but deep inside I was hoping that I would live to receive metal help at the hospital. the reason why I attempt suicide was because I wanted to get away these toxic people putting down always. It wasn’t really about dying, but for me it was a way to escape the pain I was going through.
You’re probably asking yourself why I didn’t ask for help or why did I stay in that situation. I grew up in a christian home where the only people who can help you was the pastor’s prayers. Unfortunately the christians in my life were very judgmental. If I would dare tell them I’m depressed, they would tell me how can you be depressed when you have such a christian family and amazing church?
To me, being depressed was such of unholy thing, and I felt like I was a disgrace for the Christians.
I want you to remember something prayers do WORK! If you feel like you’re ashamed to talk to others about your struggles, remember there is a man who can remove the spirit of depression. Talk to God and Trust in him your situation is NOT forever. If it wasn’t for Jesus I wouldn’t be where I’m at today.
Don’t let them break you. don’t let their words get to you. My friends I’m begging you to hold on to Jesus and find help.. God is going to bless you in your storm so trust in him and don’t give up.
I know what you’re going through and I understand you stay strong my love the storm is over.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.